Many men nowadays approach women and go into relationships with preconceived notions of all of the negative qualities they believe women possess. Men often believe the average woman is attention seeking, disloyal, untrustworthy, cares more for his pockets than for him, have little to bring to the table, etc. They’re often skeptical of the “good woman” which taints and eventually destroys their approaching of women and the way they conduct themselves in a relationship. Any “good woman” who doesn’t fit these preconceived notions will eventually tire of the treatment she receives as a result of a man operating under these assumptions.

While many men believe hard to find a “good woman”, it’s time for these men to consider if they’re the type of man that can attract and keep a “good woman”. How are you showing up and what energy are you projecting that says you are a good man deserving of a good woman? What behaviors are you exhibiting that says once you have one, you know how to treat her?

1. Whatever you believe you’re getting when you approach a woman, that’s exactly what you’ll get.

No matter how she carries herself, no matter how she shows up both in public and in private, it won’t matter. You won’t be able to acknowledge who she uniquely is because of who you already believe her to be. No matter how low key she is, she could do one thing you see as attention seeking and that’s what she’ll become to you. No matter how loyal to you she may be, you’ll never be able to truly believe she’s loyal to you. Because you think this way, your actions will follow which will bring undue emotional stress to her and cause you to cast undeserved aspersions on her character. Approach women and go into new relationships with a clean slate and recognize this woman is an individual.

2. Do you exhibit the same qualities that you require of her?

You want a good woman who’s loyal, lowkey, trustworthy, interested in you for all that you are and not just what you can do for her, and for her to be your backbone and help mate. Of these 5 things listed, how much of it applies to you? How many women have you dated would describe you as having these same qualities? If the women you’ve dated wouldn’t describe you this way, what gives you the audacity to believe you deserve what you haven’t worked for? If you want loyalty, you need to give loyalty. If you want a women who isn’t out here seeking attention in other places, you shouldn’t be out here seeking attention in other places, etc. Put in the work on YOU to be prepared to match what you’re asking for.

3. Do you need to clean up your public persona?

Looking at how you appear in person and looking through your social media what impression does it give off? Do you look like a bum, a hood dusty, a player, an attention seeker, bitter baby daddy, or woman basher? If you’re a hobo-sexual do you want her to financially take care of you while you ride other chicks around in her car while she’s at work?

If you’re a hood dusty you need her to take a charge for you or, bail you out, or put money on your books? If you’re a player, she’s supposed to be happy being just another one in your line-up? If you’re a bitter baby daddy or constantly bashing women you expect her to continuously try to prove her worth to you? First decide if you possibly need therapy to clean up the way you’ve come to see women and thereby operate in the dating world. After you’ve finished fixing you, you can start building a much better public image.

4. Are you really ready to protect a good woman?

Most women understand that any man worth a damn will protect his family. Most men take this to only mean from outside physical dangers which is a given. But how do you protect her heart, her emotional and mental health and her public image? If she’s home being everything she’s supposed to be for you, and you’re out in the streets making her look stupid, she’s fending off attacks from other women you’re involved with or she feels a need to alienate herself from others just so she doesn’t have to keep explaining why she’s still with you it’s definitely going to take a toll on her. It will diminish her love for you, her emotional health and her mental state. You may be protecting her from outside threats, but who’s protecting her from you? Physical scars heal over time, many emotional ones can be forever.

5. Do you have a problem with professing and providing?

If you’re interested in her, tell her exactly why you’re interested in her. If you reach a point where you want to enter a relationship with her, tell her. Don’t think you can be inconsistent, nonchalant, and indifferent towards her and expect her to stick around. Approaching a “good girl” asking her to kick it with you, asking when she can come to your house or when you can come to hers, etc. is not the move. Ask her on a date, plan the date, and pay for the date. How seriously can a woman take a man who feels she isn’t even worth a date?

You may very well claim to want a good woman, but have you really done the work on yourself? If you approach women and go into relationships with preconceived notions of who and what she is, you’re going to sabotage it. Your unresolved hurt and issues will taint and eventually destroy not only your approach but also the way you conduct yourself while courting and while in a relationship. Unless you put in the work on yourself, any “good woman” who is looking for a good man definitely won’t be looking for you. Even if you put up the right facade to catch her, she’ll eventually wish she never loved you and you’ll eventually lose her.