Modern day women often talk about the bad behaviors of men. How they’re misogynistic, cheaters, verbally abusive, physically abusive, don’t possess leadership qualities, etc. The question I want you to ask yourself, is what type of energy are you specifically putting out into the universe to attract these types.

In the name of feminism and liberation, women have become more sexually open and expressive. The clothes we wear cover less and less of our bodies. The images we put out on social media have become more sexualized and provocative, while feminine energy has become more hardened and masculine.

While many women see this as very freeing, many of these same women are upset, confused and overall disappointed in the outcomes it’s producing.

They can’t wrap their minds around the fact that the reason they’re getting the results that they are, is because of the energy they’re putting out. Many women are too stubborn to change the energy they’re projecting even in the face of receiving less than favorable results over and over again. If you’re ready to change the energy you’re putting out in order to change your outcomes, read on.

First let me say you absolutely have the right to do what you want with your body and your energy.

This article isn’t meant to bash or shame anyone for how they choose to present themselves to the world. There has been plenty of support for women’s sexual liberation. Articles such as the Complex article titled “Why Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s Empowering Anthem “WAP” Is So Important” and the Metro article “The backlash to Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s WAP proves society still hates sexually powerful women” are good reads in favor of women having the right to express themselves the way they see fit.

1. If you lead with your ASSets, don’t be surprised when someone comes looking for them.

Again, you have the right to advertise yourself as you please. However, if you’re primarily advertising your sexuality, you are much more likely to attract a man who is interested in sex with you. If that’s what you’re looking for at the time, then fine. But if you’re looking for someone to settle into a long-term monogamous relationship with, this may not be the best way to advertise yourself.

2. Stop projecting Bitter Betty energy.

If someone can scroll your social media and see countless posts about how your baby daddy ain’t shit, how all men are trash, how women don’t need men and similar posts you’re coming off as being too bitter and having far too much emotional baggage. You may need to seek professional therapy to work through some of these issues so they aren’t permeating throughout your aura. If this becomes someone’s first perception of you, they may never care to see the other beautiful parts of you that hide behind that hurt.

3. Your independence shouldn’t be used as a weapon.

Yes you may be Mrs. Independent cause you have your own everything, pay your own everything, and do everything for yourself and your children. Kudos to you. At the same time, you can’t use your independence as a weapon against men to prove how much you don’t need them. What do we typically do with things we don’t need? We throw them away or keep them around without much thought just in case they come in handy at some point. How can you make a person feel this way, and expect them to want to love, protect, and provide for you? If someone constantly made you feel as though they can do with or without you, how would it make you feel? Stop using your independence as a weapon against these men.

4. Know and be comfortable with exactly who you are.

This is of particular importance to black women. Your natural hair, your natural face, your skin color and everything about you is exactly the way it should be. When you can take pride in your natural self, anything else is just the icing on the cake. When you reach a level of comfort and confidence with yourself where you know you can be your natural self and be beautiful, or throw on your make-up, hair lashes and be beautiful that’s a level of freedom many don’t reach. How confining and tiresome must it be for a woman to feel she can’t go out without full make-up, weave, lashes, and other accessories? Remember, whoever you attract while wearing all of these things, has to not have a problem with how you look when you wake up in the morning.

5. Don’t be the stereotypical angry black woman

It’s ok to smile. It’s ok to be nice. Stop walking around showcasing whatever chip you have on your shoulder. It’s not cute to be seen as being mean, argumentative, difficult, etc. Yes we have been through a lot. And sometimes, simply standing your ground or standing up for yourself can be misconstrued as you being an angry black woman. We have a lot of burdens we carry. However, it’s no excuse. Again, you may need to seek therapy to get to the bottom of what’s really bugging you. You may need to dig deeper into your spirituality to release those negative vibes. You need to work it out so you don’t go out into the world projecting that negative energy onto others who have done nothing to contribute to the root causes of your anger.

Although there are modern day men who may leave a lot to be desired, women set the tone. You have the power to change the type of man you attract. You just have to make sure the image and energy you are putting out into the universe lines up with what it is you want to attract at any given time. You’ll like the change you see in the results you get.