Many times relationships fail because of the same reasons many other endeavors in life fail which is improper planning. It takes more than just being single to be ready for a new relationship. You need to take definite steps to properly plan to be in a relationship to give it the best chance possible at success.

A Relationship Can Be Whatever You Want It To Be

The idea of exactly what constitutes a relationship is totally up to those who are in the relationship. In modern times, relationship types are as varied as the countless number of people in them. Still, some people simply enjoy the total non-commitment of single life.

It’s fun to go out at night and not know what’s going to happen, I’m addicted and obsessed with my freedom in that sense”

Elizabeth Moss

Make Sure You’re Really Ready

If the single life is better suited to you, have at it and have fun with it. If you’re tired of being single and feel you are ready to settle back into a relationship, you definitely need to get some things in position first.

1. Let Go Of Your Last Relationship

Whether you admit it to others or only to yourself, if the main reason you have chosen to stay single for so long is because of hurt from a past relationship you need to wipe that slate clean. Reconcile in your mind that the last person has absolutely nothing to do with the next. If you meet someone and are looking to see if you spot any red flags you may have missed in the last relationship, you’re probably not ready just yet. Should you take note of red flags if they arise? Of course. But you shouldn’t be actively comparing the next person to the last trying to find similar patterns of behavior. If you do, just about anything can look similar to an experience in a past relationship which could cause you to bolt or, in the worse-case scenario, project your insecurities on to the new boo.

2. Clean Up Any Clutter From Your Single Life

Any booty calls, people you know you would never see in any way but casually, any saved numbers of people from dating sites, and singles social groups you may be engaged in, etc. all need to go even before you start the new relationship. Why? Because it’s awkward to be with the new guy/girl having to ignore texts, phone calls, and notifications from old situations you haven’t gotten around to handling. Cut it out. That person sees your phone going off and sees you ignoring it (at least when you’re with them) as well. It could very well start your relationship off with insecurities and suspicions. Clean all of the single clutter away now, so you can start off on the right foot.

3. Make Sure You’re Doing It For The Right Reasons

If you’re afraid you may not find someone as nice and caring as the person you’re dating, you want the financial relief of having someone to split bills with, you’re lonely, etc. these aren’t reasons to get into a relationship with someone. How does this person make you feel both when you’re with them and when you’re away from them? How does this person fit into both your present and future life? How much money, time, and effort are you expending on this person and what’s the return you’re getting? Are you on similar or at least complimentary life paths? These are the things you should be considering when contemplating a relationship with someone. The answers to these questions will help you easily see if this person could actually be worth the effort, or if you’d be setting yourself up for failure.

4. Don’t Expect Someone To Put Up With Your Mess

No matter what you’ve been through in life and past relationships, it’s not the new person’s problem. Yes, our past often shapes who we become, but that should be for the better. We can’t walk around with bitterness, anger, constant suspicion, neediness, etc, and expect a person to just put up with that for an extended period of time. That’s YOUR mess. YOU need to clean it up and get yourself to a healthier mental and emotional state of well-being before pulling someone else in and expecting them to either fix it or put up with it.

Just Do The Work

No matter what any Negative Nancy or Judgmental Joe may say, single life is actually better for some and that’s OK. But, If you’re tired of being single and feel you are ready to try settling down again you really want to prepare to have the best chance at a successful #CoupleGoals relationship. As contagious as love is, slow down and take the time to do it right.